Taking Care of Yourself « Stepcoupling

Purchase Stepcoupling

Contributor to Stepmom Magazine

Become a Fan of Stepcoupling on Facebook!


Blog Categories:


Parenting Blog Directory

Stepcoupling® Brand Is For Sale!

March 18th, 2015

STEPCOUPLING® BRAND FOR SALE!

Are you passionate about counseling? Are you interested in a unique opportunity to work with couples navigating the unchartered waters of Stepcoupling? Do you have an interest in teaching and helping stepcouples stay together with all the difficult challenges they face today?

This unique brand of counseling is available to someone truly interested in taking over the proprietary brand, Stepcoupling® and building it into a state-of-the-art business.

What’s in it for you? The potential for taking this business opportunity to the next level is exciting including, in-person as well as on-line work in the following areas: counseling, coaching, writing, blogging, informational seminars and webinars, lecturing, education & support groups, and anything else that supports stepcouples and directs stepfamilies towards success.

Stepcoupling® is a prevalent and increasingly common situation in   families today. Its growth requires fostering the counseling and the branded technique that I started years ago.

But it’s time for me to pass the baton on. And now, the Stepcoupling® business is for sale.

 

STEPCOUPLING® BUSINESS (the background)

My journey of Stepcoupling® is a personal one: a venture involving love and re-marriage and ultimately leading to a counseling practice and my book titled, “Stepcoupling®: Creating and Sustaining a Strong Marriage in Today’s Blended Family”  (published by Three Rivers Press, division of Random House 2002).

My Stepcoupling® legacy began with falling in love with a divorced man who was raising his three children alone.  I was also divorced with full time custody of my two, young sons.  David and I fell fast in love!

Now nearly forty years later we’re still married and still in love.  We’re both retired… and aging. We remember the early days when our five children and stepchildren were young.  We remember the up’s and down’s, the drama, as well as the fun times. There was always some issue to deal with. Today our kids are grown with families of their own.

 

AND NOW…

I’m passing on the legacy I started years ago: that a healthy Stepcouple is the key to stepfamily success.  It’s the glue that makes stepfamilies strong and enduring.

My brand, Stepcoupling® with a service Trademark® is for sale.  It includes use of the word, “Stepcoupling” as well as the domain name, Stepcoupling.com, all content on the blog site, and the registered Service Trademark, Stepcoupling ® with the US Government.

Price is negotiable. There is tremendous need and opportunity here. One thing that is certain is that stepcouples need support, tools, encouragement, education, and ways to stay together. You could be that resource utilizing a well-recognized brand, Stepcoupling®.

If you are interested, please contact us. And, please share this. It’s a great opportunity for the right person!

I look forward to hearing from you! I also appreciate you sharing this with counselors you know that might be interested in this opportunity.

SUSAN WISDOM, MA, LPC (Retired)

 

Stepcoupling Book Review – Specific Chapters That May Help You Too!

February 12th, 2014

Valentines Day is the perfect time to focus on your stepcouple relationship.  If you’re looking for help and inspiration, read on…

Posted with permission by StepMom Magazine and Peggy Nolan
A Review of: “Stepcoupling: Creating and Sustaining a Strong Marriage in Today’s Blended Family
By Susan Wisdom, LPC and Jennifer Green

REVIEWED BY PEGGY NOLAN, MA, RYT in StepMom Magazine, February, 2014

If I could mail every new and struggling stepmom a care package, I would enclose a box of tissue for those first few difficult months, a new tube of pretty pink lip-gloss to give her spirits a lift, some dark chocolate and a copy of “Stepcoupling,” by Susan Wisdom and Jennifer Green.

This invaluable resource is packed with information, tips and strategies based on Wisdom’s own stepcoupling experience and her professional counseling services for divorcing couples and stepfamilies.

“Stepcoupling” revolves around two major premises: The eventual success of the new family hinges on the quality and strength of the stepcouple’s relationship, and the success of the stepcouple hinges on the willingness and ability of both partners to grapple with personal and family issues.

The book has six main chapters that fortify stepcouples with new ways to think about old behaviors. Two chapters stand above the rest: Chapter 2, “Tailoring Your Expectations of your Spouse and Family,” and Chapter 3, “Shaping and Knowing Your Own Boundaries.”

Chapter 2 covers a topic that nearly every stepfamily struggles with – expectations. Many stepcouples expect their stepfamily to behave just like a first family. Your partner may expect you to love his or her children like your own (and you may be guilty of the same). You may expect to have the same span of control and authority in your home with someone else’s children. Many new stepparents expect the same warm and fuzzy feelings from the stepkids to continue after they have married the kids’ biological parent. When these things don’t come to fruition, you may very well be left with what Wisdom refers to as the Three D’s of expectations: disappointment, discord and disillusionment. If you find yourself feeling disappointed or disillusioned and you and your spouse are arguing nearly all the time, read the second chapter first.

The second most important chapter in “Stepcoupling” is the third chapter. “Shaping and Knowing Your Own Boundaries.” If you are a people pleaser or a chronic yes person, this chapter is vital. Too often, women in the stepmom role complain about how poorly their partner’s ex-wife treats them or about how their stepchildren disrespect them. This chapter helps stepmoms understand the value of personal boundaries and why they are so important within stepfamilies.

It is also the responsibility of the stepcouple to agree upon, establish and enforce boundaries around their marriage. In the beginning, your new marriage is the weakest relationship in the stepfamily mix. In her book, Wisdom asserts that strengthening the stepcouple boundary is of vital importance and requires intention, time and tack. When you create your stepcouple bubble, you take care of yourselves and the children in your home.

Wisdom explains how detrimental anger toward an ex-spouse can be. “All the vocabulary, time, and energy you put into anger at the ex is being diverted from other areas of your life,” she writes. For stepmoms who complain about how much power the ex-wife wields, beware of collusion. According to Wisdom, “the ultimate irony is what happens when a stepcouple colludes in anger toward an ex-spouse: The ex gets exactly what he or she wants. Ex-spouses who seem to sabotage your relationship want a loud and clear presence in your home. When you talk constantly about what a jerk your ex-husband is or plot ways to foil his ex-wife, you grant that presence. Maybe the ex isn’t there physically, but he or she rules your life emotionally.”

Ultimately, the everyday realities of stepcoupling are what get most stepfamilies in trouble. Some examples are mundane, ordinary things like chore distribution, parenting styles, discipline, finances, stressful days at work, the sick puppy, the pile of laundry, homework, dinnertime, etc. Different values and priorities will chip away and erode your union. That is why it’s so important to make your marriage and your partnership the top priority. When your marriage is solid, everyone in the family benefits. If you want to fortify your relationship with your partner, “Stepcoupling” is a must read.

Each chapter includes thought provoking questions that you can discuss together during your couple time. Stepcouples will benefit from reading about the experiences of other stepparents and stepkids and will receive practical and useful guidance to manage the complex challenges that can divide stepcouples.

The only topic that’s missing from this otherwise invaluable resource is money and finances. As you read through and discuss this book with your spouse, don’t forget to talk about your finances: child support, extracurricular activities for kids, college, retirement and every other area that money touches your life.

This Valentine’s Day, give yourself and your partner the gift of greater understanding by reading this book together to become a strong, united, and fortified stepcouple!

PEGGY NOLAN MA, RYT is the CEO of Frazzled to Fabulous, a website dedicated to helping women reclaim the lives they were born to live. Peggy is a contributing writer to the Huffington Post and The Women’s Toolbox. She is the mother of two adult children and the grandmother of two. She is a 2nd degree clack belt in Muay Thai Kickboxing and a certified yoga teacher. Peggy and her husband, Richard, live in Derry, New Hampshire.

You can purchase a copy of the book on Amazon. Also available in your Kindle store!

 

SUMMER SANITY – Is there such a thing?

June 6th, 2013

School’s almost out and summer vacation begins. Vacation for kids is hardly a vacation for the parents and stepparents raising them.

The complaints: “THERE’S NOTHING TO DO!”
The requests: “Can so and so come over?” “Can I have some money?”   “Will you drive me to…?”
The demands: “Take me here, there and everywhere…NOW!” “Everyone else gets to do it except me.”
The moodiness, sulkiness, boredom and tears.
Give me a break!

Kids, especially preteens and adolescents, are the center of the universe. That’s what they’re supposed to be. Yes, your self-absorbed kids are normal!
Remind yourself of that!

I remember those long summers when our kids were young. The days were long and exhausting.  I thought they’d never end. I worked myself to the bone to accommodate and satisfy the kids.  I worried way too much about how they were doing, what they were doing and with whom!
Don’t be so hard on yourself!

As a confused and insecure stepmom, you wonder, “Why me!?”  You wonder if you’re fitting the bill.  Still you strive for perfection.  Doesn’t every parent/stepparent want to be the best?
Good enough is just fine.  You’re only human.

Words of Wisdom:  Stop! Step back. Take a break. You have to say NO sometimes. You have to take care of  yourself. You do count.  Go ahead and have some fun. For example, go to yoga or exercise class; call a friend, get off the computer, get out of the car, and leave the dirty dishes in the sink. It won’t kill you. Take a lie down, read a chapter in your book, or journalize if that’s helpful. Practice mindfulness.  It helps a lot.
Breathe, relax and calm yourself down.

This summer, enjoy the special moments …a thank you, a shared joke or experience, a family activity…or anything that makes you feel good.
You deserve it!

(First published June 2010 on my blog site and later in Stepmom Magazine)

A New Chapter For The Blog

October 18th, 2011

As a companion to my book, this blog is a platform for me to share resources, tools, and inspiration with readers in all stages of stepcoupling. I’ve shared a lot of my personal experiences and lessons I learned as a stepmother. In the next phase of the blog, I’m going to shift perspectives a bit and share some clinical experiences (stripped of any identifying information, or course) that I think readers will find helpful.

So much of what stepcouples experience is normal, and universal…but bitterly painful at times.  Yet it’s hard to talk about it with friends, family, and people in the workplace.  First, they wouldn’t understand, and second, it’s shameful and embarrassing.

The realities of each stepfamily are unique and complex—we cannot compare our family relationships with other “normal” families. The presence of children and spouses from previous marriages push our buttons beyond belief.  Add to that those personal issues that get in our way of building healthy relationships. My goal as a clinician has always been to grant people permission to be honest and open in evaluating their reality. I’ve seen clients in all kinds of marriages/partnerships… that’s just the way it is!

The practice of candid self-assessment is an ongoing one. I hope the stories I will share in the coming months will help readers reflect on their own behavior and the dynamics of their marriage and their parenting. Check the blog in two weeks or so.

Susan Wisdom MA
October 2011

Who’s Interests Are You Really Serving? The Kids Or Your Own?

August 3rd, 2011

The recent crisis over our country’s debt limit and the way our leaders are handling it got me thinking about the way many stepfamilies and ex-spouses relate to each other. Conflict is inevitable in the environment of a remarried family or stepfamily (meaning a divorced couple, their children, and their new partners). There is a great deal at stake in the way the adults handle these conflicts.

Parents, new partners, and exes will have clashing values—around lifestyle, money, parenting, goals, etc. When parents become fixated on their own agenda, and are unable to appreciate and respect opposing perspectives, they lose sight of what should be their true goal: the best possible outcome for their children.

When problems arise in remarried families, the adults need to step back and take a look at the entire situation—listen, think, negotiate, and compromise. It’s not about winning or losing, but understanding and improving. Strong leadership serves the best interests of the entire group. It does not seek to win, but rather, to protect and support those whom it is charged with leading.

We are all capable of hurting others while thinking we’re acting in their best interest. It’s easier to get out of this trap when we can put our ego away and treat the other parties with respect, dignity, and curiosity. Children notice how their parents and stepparents treat each other, and it impacts them significantly. Parents who model compromise and respect, while standing up for the needs of their children, serve the entire family.

My hope is that our national leaders can learn to work together in a way that their constituents can be proud of and use as a positive model for their own families.

Susan Wisdom, MA
August 2011

Nike Air Max Classic BW Sko Online Nike Air Total Max Sko Online Nike Kobe 10 Sko Online Nike Air Max LTD 2 Sko Online Nike Heels Sko Online