The wedding had its problems. Her 15 year old daughter nearly didn’t show up and pretty much sulked her way through the reception. She was not a happy bridesmaid! The bride and groom were nervous wrecks. And after the wedding, his 7 year old son cried all night because he thought his father was leaving him forever.
The first 18 months in their blended family were stressful. The kids clung to their bio parents ignoring their new stepparents as much as possible. The parents felt torn between their unhappy kids and their new spouses who they just vowed to love, honor, and support for better or for worse. This felt pretty worse to them!
Congratulations and welcome to stepcoupling!
Sound familiar? It should because this is a fairly typical picture of early stepcoupling. . It’s a tough adjustment for the adults as well as the kids. But, this couple is lucky because they were strong enough to sooth each other and pull the family through the challenges. Their love and energy paved the way to build healthy relationships…over time… with all the kids in their family combined family – his, hers, and theirs.
What this new stepcouple had in their favor:
- They loved each other.
- They were a couple, which, meant they were in it for the long haul for themselves and for the kids.
- They depended on each other for support, encouragement and advise
- They got alone time together, which they took full advantage of.
- They always kept talking and didn’t allow bad feelings or distance to build up.
After their nerve wracking wedding, this stepcouple rolled up their sleeves and got to work on creating their marriage and their stepfamily that would work for them.
Fifteen years later, they’re still a solid stepcouple.
What strengths do you have to get through difficult times?
Susan Wisdom LPC
October 2007
Hi Susan,
Thanks for sharing this valuable information! I’ve shared it with some others as well.
Tia
I am relieved to hear others going thru the same things, I’ve been thinking I was alone. I am to the point of feeling like a failure and can do nothing right. Thinking about walking, but don’t want too. Love the whole family so much and really want it to work. I need help. I’m so glad I found this site. Thanks!
Here is a question:
How do you handle the biological mom when her interest in her kids seems to be on the backburner vs. her social life and just assumes we will always change schedules to suit her? What do you do when the kids don’t want to go to her place when you know they need time with her? This is a long story like all of ours – I’m sure, but looking for new approaches, Thanks!