reviews
Amazon.com on January 30, 2007
Melissa A. Adams (Grand Island, Nebraska)
I am a clinical social worker in private therapy practice. I purchased this book three years ago to help a family with whom I was working in therapy. Since then, I have quoted the highlighted passages from my own copy numerous times in sessions, and have loaned the book out so many times that a client finally bought me a newer copy, as a gift for helping her family so much. The best thing about this book is how it highlights the couple relationship. Blended family couples finally have support in creating the foundation for success. Many texts about blending families and helping children deal with divorce focus on how the “children should come first”, to the exclusion of what is necessary to keep the adults healthy. Children’s needs are certainly paramount, but often that belief feeds a system wherein parents are almost forced to create a triangulated situation between their biological children and their new spouse. This book clearly explains how to avoid that triangulation, and to keep the power where it belongs: with the two adults in the home, as a team. As a structural family therapist, this book helps me to show parents what we mean when we talk about the “executive power system” in the family. In order to have healthy blended families, it is absolutely essential to have a strong parent couple in each family. This book helps the reader with the myths and misconceptions of “step-families”, which are really better termed “blended families”. It gives good suggestions on how to deal with “the exes” — the other parents of the children in your home. It addresses the “yours, mine and ours” issues that come up when blended families add more kids to the family. It also addresses special considerations that need to be made when one parent has died. The message of hope throughout this book makes it easy to read and truly finish, especially for parents in busy families. The personal stories from parents in blended families give the reader the sense that they are not alone, and that it will get better. I highly recommend this book, for every blended family parent, and every family therapist working with blended families.Amazon.com on June 30, 2006
S. Vane
This book is one that you will read through and learn a lot from. But, it is also a book that you will be able to pick up and find helpful hints with situations you may be experiencing w/ blending your family. I have read the book and now my fiance is also reading it. It is outlined well and you can quickly find something specific you may be looking for. I would encourage anyone who is planning on blending a family or anyone who is already in the blending process to read this.TheStepfamilyLife.com - February 2006
In “Stepcoupling: Creating and Sustaining a Strong Marriage in Today’s Blended Family,” Susan Wisdom and Jennifer Green focus on strengthening the bond between spouses after the newlywed reverie has worn off and they wake up after the honeymoon to find themselves in a stepfamily. They encourage newly-married couples to focus on their relationship and carve out couple time. They also urge couples to draw boundaries and find one-on-one time to spend with the kids. Real stepfamily situations are considered and discussed by the authors and provide practical advice to thorny situations. Unlike a lot of self-help books, the authors realize that one standard answer doesn’t always work in every situation and they recommend a variety of options for some situations. Questions guide the reader to ponder his/her own situation but without forcing you to stop turning pages for too long.Amazon.com on September 28, 2005
LAH (Pennsylvania)
What a great book! I highly recommend it. With this book I learned about expectations and boundaries, how to deal with an ex-spouse, how to communicate effectively with my new husband,his child and my own children. I was able to relate to the example couples used in this book. It really helped to know that other couples had the same problems and felt the same way about blending families. Blending families is a quite a challenge, but this book helped create a smoother transition for me, my children, my husband and his child. This book also helps to show what the kids are going through and that it’s just as difficult for them as it is for the adults. This was a very helpful and imformative book.Amazon.com on February 4, 2003
Frank Mungeam from Crooked River Ranch, OR
If you want Dr.Phil, feel-good sound bites, look elsewhere. But if you are serious about wanting to have a successful step-family, this book offers both a realistic and hopeful guide for creating a strong step couple relationship. The core premise bucks the trend of all those step-parenting manuals by persuasively arguing that the step COUPLE is the real key to creating a step family that works. The chapters are peppered with anecdotes from real step-couples, and Wisdom’s combination of clinical expertise and first-hand experience comes through - a hopeful, yet honest and realistic guide to surviving and even thriving amidst the challenges of the step family.Amazon.com on January 6, 2003
A reader from New York, NY
I married a man quite a lot older than me — he had children and I did not. I had no idea the sudden imapact having four stepchildren would have on me — and my marriage! Reading Stepcoupling was the first step to saving my marriage and my sanity. Susan Wisdom clearly understands all the complicated dynamics of the stepfamily — from an uncooporative ex-spouse to angry stepchildren. She offers useful discussion guides, questionaires, exercises, and tried-and-true strategies to help parnters cope with the new responsibilities and challenges. Knowing that if the stepcouple remains strong and presents a unified position, then all the other challenges can be resolved made all the difference. My husband read the book too and from that point on we began the process of building a strong family.Amazon.com on June 5, 2002
Delores Teller from Portland, Oregon
I read this book in 48 hours and now use it to refer to whenever a crisis hits our stepcoupling relationship. Susan Wisdom dares to tell the straight facts about being a stepcouple while affirming that you can feel all the difficulties and still be considered normal. My children are all grown and at 50 I never expected to raise small children again but here I am in a love relationship that includes five year old twins and I need help. This book clarified the feelings that are associated with forming a stepcouple and allowed me to understand how it all takes time. An excellent book that I highly reccomend!Amazon.com on October 6, 2002
Sandra C. Anderson, Ph.D. from Professor, Portland State University Graduate School of Social Work, Portland, Oregon
Although there are many outstanding books on stepparenting, this is the first book that focuses exclusively on stepcouples. With the use of excellent case examples, the authors present sound advice and strategies for dealing with the innumerable, difficult issues faced by these couples. While this is clearly a “remarriage manual”, it is more useful than most because it integrates theory in a quite readable, understandable way. For example, family of origin theory is used to demonstrate how unresolved, early life issues can further complicate stepcoupling relationships. I strongly recommend this book to those who are contemplating or currently in stepcoupling relationships, as well as counselors and therapists who see these couples in their practice.Amazon.com on September 8, 2002
Rene Umberger from Maui, Hawaii
I found this book to be an amazing resource and so very affirming. The information was presented in a “down to earth” style that made sense. Relationship dynamics that in the past had seemed complicated and overwhelming were made quite clear and understandable - especially in the use of the real life couples experiences as examples. This book is a great resource for all non traditional families. It is packed with loving, relationship affirming strategies and tools. It even helped with working out the issues around our “step pets”! I had many “light bulb” moments and highly recommend this book!Amazon.com on May 26, 2002
Reviewer from StepMomGroup.com in Gloucester, VA
Wow! Here is the encouragement and advice many of us need to move forward in our lives along with the techniques and instructions to successfully deal with what faces us on a daily basis. There are so many factors that can complicate the life of a stepparent and ‘Stepcoupling’ addresses many of these problems head-on with real life stories and straightforward advice by ultimately proving that your marriage, as the foundation of your stepfamily, is the most important relationship you have.The book labels itself as a “manual” and if ever there was a stepfamily ‘How-To’, this is it! After you follow several couples’ experiences throughout the book, you will find a great surprise in the last chapter that rounds out this book perfectly. The ‘How-To’ flows through ‘Stepcoupling’ not only through the authors’ life experiences and stories from stepcouples, but also by letting you fill in the blanks with your own life by allowing you to share honesty about your feelings between the pages of the book and yourself.Amazon.com on May 10, 2002
Reviewer from Oxford, AL
A comfort and a help…In this straightforward book, the authors coin the term stepcoupling to mean the “ongoing process of forming and maintaining a marriage when children are involved.” We all know that we have to pay attention to our marriages to sustain our stepfamilies, and the authors tell us that our success “hinges on the willingness and ability of the partners to grapple with personal and family issues.” Then they offer help.The entire book discusses various personal and family issues that can threaten a stepfamily marriage. Instead of a lot of hard to understand theory, you’ll find accessible advice that hits home with so many common problems. Gray boxes throughout provide questions for yourself and for discussions to have with your spouse. Autonomous questions pepper the text, and the authors follow them with practical solutions. Real stepparents, too, contribute their stories and feelings. You’ll probably see yourself in several places in these comforting pages.The book discusses a stepparent’s expections of herself and her family. And in the very helpful section on boundaries, the authors discuss not only physical boundaries but also boundaries on relationships, including the need to sever the ties with former spouses and how to expand your boundaries to include your stepchildren. The section on “family acrobatics” tackles the issue of finding everyone’s place in the family. You’ll also learn how to strike a balance when your styles and values on parenting, money or anything else differ from your spouse’s.The final chapter is one stepcouple’s story in their words, how they’ve survived twenty-nine years to become the close family they are. You’ll find enouragement, advice and compassion in this book that truly understands stepfamilies.Amazon.com on May 8, 2002
Reviewer from Grand Rapids MI
Thorough, Nonblaming, Affirming and Constructive. This book is a soothing and practical guide for those of us in stepcouples, yet it faces head on some of the more difficult challenges faced by stepcouples, in a caring and constructive way. I would love to have had this book when we first started out more than 10 years ago! I can’t think of any situation covered in this book that we haven’t experienced at some point or in some form or another in our remarriage. It is a comfort to see that a lot of what we learned the hard way is right there in “Stepcoupling.” I would recommend it very highly to anyone in a remarriage, contemplating remarriage or supporting remarried couples. Maybe even older stepchildren and children born into blended families should read this for some insights as to what their parents and stepparents are struggling with. Marriage takes effort no matter what, but stepcouples face so many surprising issues that usually have no pat answers. This book is a tremendous help to anyone navigating “step” territory.Amazom.com on April 2, 2002
Ted Johnson from Sisters, OR USA
Having recently become a single parent, I found this book to be invaluable when entering a new relationship. It answers all the questions I had thought about but never asked. The book is written clearly and the wisdom is shared through stories that I relate to…so many of these books are so technical and clinical. I also find the questions offered for couples to discuss very helpful. Before I move forward into my next committed relationship, I plan to have lots of discussions prompted by many of these questions…so much to learn.