You can have a solid marriage – and an enjoyable family life. But, to do that, you have to understand the most important relationship in a stepfamily is the stepcouple. In fact you can be unstoppable when the two of you team up!
Why does it have to be THIS hard?
People offer well meaning advice on being a step- parent all the time. Trouble is, unless they are a stepparent themselves they usually have no idea what they are talking about. Being a stepparent is hard. Hard on your head, your heart and your soul. But, with time and support, it can also transform your head, your heart and your soul.
START WITH THE BOOK, STEPCOUPLING
Stepcoupling: Creating and Sustaining a Strong Marriage in Today’s Blended Family, is the first and only book for stepcouples that focuses on the couple’s relationship as the focal point for stability, change and growth- for all members of the stepfamily.
JOIN OUR RETREATS FOR STEPMOMS AND STEPCOUPLES
STEPMOM OR STEPCOUPLE COACHING
As stecpouples we face the same relationship challenges as other couples. But there are more layers and players. and it’s more complicated. If things feel off course , let’s work together. Packages are available to take you into deeper levels of commitment, connection, and fortifying your parenting partnership.
TAKE ONE OF OUR CLASSES OR WORKSHOPS
SEE WHAT COACH ALI HAS TO SAY
I write a blog about the stresses of day to day chalenges – and triumphs- in stepfamily life. I pull from my own experiences as well as experiences of others I work with and collabrate with.Find Out More
TAKE ONE OF OUR CLASSES OR WORKSHOPS
Topics offered: Managing the Stepmom’s Anxiety, Parenting Dilemmas in Stepfamilies, Handling Stepfamily Stress, Grief and Loss in Youth Post Divorce, Co Parenting with Your Ex and Your New Partner, Building Stronger Stepfamily Realtionships
Being a stepmom can leave you feeling like an outsider, even though you are a key staple to the unique unit. Coaching can help you develop the tools to be heard, understood, and make everyone happy.
JOIN OUR STEPMOM RETREAT
“In the beginning, Bob and I and the four kids reeled from the effects of divorce. Looking back, the only reason we made it through the early part of our stepfamily was because we were such a strong couple. We had lots of problems. The kids fought all the time. My house was way too small for the six of us, and we couldn’t afford a bigger one. A third of Bob’s paycheck went to his ex-wife, so we barely made ends meet.
Neither of us wanted another divorce. We had to learn how to talk to each other, love each other, and to stay together even when things got tough. Especially when things got tough.”MaryStep-coupling for 7 Years
“Bill had sole custody of his two children, I had sole custody of my two. When we married, we were suddenly a full-time family of six. We were inundated.
Once a week, on Tuesday night, we’d go out. For us, Tuesdays were wonderful - we had each other all to ourselves with no interruptions. We’d sit next to each other in a booth, hold hands, talk nonstop. He’d talk about his day, I’d talk about mine. We’d plan for the future. We rarely talked about the kids. It was our time.
We knew the kids were safe at home. We also knew they were probably doing some things they shouldn’t, like eating junk food or watching TV instead of doing homework. That one night, I could let go of control over the kids to have the time with Bill.
I don’t think we would have become as strong a couple if we hadn’t had our date night. Twenty-eight years later, we still go out once a week.”SharonStep-coupling for 28 Years
“When my stepkids visit every other weekend, I get anxious and angry before they get here. I hate it when my husband expects me to be the nice, accommodating stepmother. I love him, and they’re good kids. I feel like such a jerk for being upset.
When his kids come, I feel like I have to store up, in terms of Chuck’s affection and attention, for a few days beforehand. Then I sort of bid him good-bye until they go. It’s like “See you on the other side.” Obviously, we still see each other her while they’re here. But our relationship feels different. I’m not as comfortable being openly affectionate with him in front of his children, and I’m stressed trying to figure out how to be with them, too.
Basically, I don’t think I’m doing a very good job as either a mate or a stepparent right now.”ValeryStep-coupling for 2 years
Stop the Stepfamily Stress
There is no cookie cutter blended family story or experience. But, there is more than one way to be a successful stepparent and step couple. If you aren’t there yet, let’s work together to create an unstoppable team!