“In the beginning, Bob and I and the four kids reeled from the effects of divorce. Looking back, the only reason we made it through the early part of our stepfamily was because we were such a strong couple. We had lots of problems. The kids fought all the time. My house was way too small for the six of us, and we couldn’t afford a bigger one. A third of Bob’s paycheck went to his ex-wife, so we barely made ends meet.

Neither of us wanted another divorce. We had to learn how to talk to each other, love each other, and to stay together even when things got tough. Especially when things got tough.”

MaryStep-coupling for 7 Years

“Bill had sole custody of his two children, I had sole custody of my two. When we married, we were suddenly a full-time family of six. We were inundated.

Once a week, on Tuesday night, we’d go out. For us, Tuesdays were wonderful - we had each other all to ourselves with no interruptions. We’d sit next to each other in a booth, hold hands, talk nonstop. He’d talk about his day, I’d talk about mine. We’d plan for the future. We rarely talked about the kids. It was our time.

We knew the kids were safe at home. We also knew they were probably doing some things they shouldn’t, like eating junk food or watching TV instead of doing homework. That one night, I could let go of control over the kids to have the time with Bill.

I don’t think we would have become as strong a couple if we hadn’t had our date night. Twenty-eight years later, we still go out once a week.”

SharonStep-coupling for 28 Years

“When my stepkids visit every other weekend, I get anxious and angry before they get here. I hate it when my husband expects me to be the nice, accommodating stepmother. I love him, and they’re good kids. I feel like such a jerk for being upset.

When his kids come, I feel like I have to store up, in terms of Chuck’s affection and attention, for a few days beforehand. Then I sort of bid him good-bye until they go. It’s like “See you on the other side.” Obviously, we still see each other her while they’re here. But our relationship feels different. I’m not as comfortable being openly affectionate with him in front of his children, and I’m stressed trying to figure out how to be with them, too.

Basically, I don’t think I’m doing a very good job as either a mate or a stepparent right now.”

ValeryStep-coupling for 2 years