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REVISING YOUR STORY OVER TIME RE: EXSPOUSES

April 16th, 2008

During early arguments, I’d hear myself saying, “What were you thinking when you married her?”

Every time I was frustrated with his children, I’d blame his ex for my having to raise their children after she messed them up. The angrier I got, the more I blamed her – never thinking that my husband had a small part in it. After all, it takes two!

I wanted my husband to take my side and collude with me. He rarely did. He told me that he was young and in love at the time. I never liked to hear that. I was angry and insecure and felt like I didn’t belong here. I resented that I wasn’t the first and only in his life, but he wasn’t first in mine either. I had an ex and two kids, but somehow that didn’t bother him so much.

As I grew…as we grew, we became a more solid stepcouple and these angry, jealous feelings about her slowly went away.

How did that happen?

By looking back, as well as listening to stepcouples’ stories in my counseling practice, I understand how peoples’ stories do change over time.

For example, taking my story about her– step by step:

Read the rest of this entry »

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