The opportunity to sneak off with the big girls and leave your partner or spouse with your kids!!!! OH! The thought of it is liberating and exciting! A week away (even just a weekend) with your best friends drinking and eating, playing and laughing and maybe even sleeping in (Right?!!) It can be so much fun. The possibilities could be endless. Enjoying some seriously serious conversations or even nothing serious at all. You don’t even have to go far but it’s kind of like getting (or making 😉 permission to run away for at least a little while! The opportunity to reconnect with friends and yourself. Undivided girlfriend attention to talk about issues big and small. And knowing that your audience has your back and loves you. Maybe a little pampering and for sure some relaxing…or maybe having an adventure is more to your liking. I like the opportunity to not have to cook or clean personally. It is the well deserved chance to regrouping recollect, the opportunity to let off some steam. What is it about the girls/ladies weekend away that seems naughty? No I don’t mean in the Playboy Playmate pillow fights with white tank top and panties sort of naughty that some men envision when you mention sleep over (yikes!) I mean the why don’t we give ourselves permission to do it more often kind of naughty. The kind of “well I can’t do that because my kids need me” or “they couldn’t survive without me” kind of naughty. Meaning you think if you take time for yourself (even if it’s something small and simple like a half hour bubble bath with a good book or glass of wine) that makes you a bad mom sort of naughty. Being selfish is well selfish and self centred. It’s counter intuitive to being a mom.
A friend of mine talks about how her husband takes off with his buddies for hockey tournaments or fishing trips -usually an annual thing, which when you add all the events together means 2 sometimes 3 times per year. And don’t you think that women work harder than men..at least when it comes to the house and kids (although not always some women have partners who do as much housework as they do and sometimes more and he co-parents 100%)? I mean on an a guilt level when it comes to the house and kids. When the house is messy or the kids behave badly who does it reflect more on? That’s right, us! Or so we believe…
But that’s just the problem. I’ve laughed with my women friends about how we can’t (rather won’t) let our husbands do things like the laundry because they will shrink it or make whites turn pink, or that the hubby doesn’t get that kitchen clean up is supposed to include wiping the counters and the table, or just not putting dishes in the dishwasher in the exact same way that you would. Our standards and rules mean that we do everything because the hubby isn’t as good as we are. (Hang onto that thought for a moment) They don’t pay attention to the details that we do. We need to run a tight ship. Especially if you have more than 2 kids living under your roof. But what kind of message does that send to our spouses? We are supposed to be equal after all. It means we send the message that “you’re not good enough or trustworthy enough” but then they won’t feel adequate enough “well it’s never good enough for you so why should I bother?” that’s not the message we should be sending to our equals, our partners. So I say drop the standards that we set for ourselves and our partners because we THINK that’s how everybody else does it or that’s how it should be. I have an agreement with my friends that they are not allowed to apologize for a messy house when I drop in and I won’t either when they drop in. Now that released a lot of burden, guilt and anxiety for all of us. Our homes should be messy enough to live lives in and clean enough to prevent illness and infection. I used to do home visits with families. If they had kids and the house was clean and pristine I would worry about how much attention the kids were getting and how much they were allowed to play, create, imagine, grow and just be a kid. My mantra is I’d rather be spending time with my children when they are small and WANT me around than spending time cleaning my house, which will always be there no matter how old I get. My kids won’t be little forever and the house won’t be messy forever either. There will be more time to clean when they are older- heck they can help out when they are older anyway.
SO! Take the time for you NOW, take the time for friends NOW. You will be a happier healthier mama and wife when you are less stressed and rejuvenated. Take your epic ladies get away. Make it an annual event.. because there is also some truth to the idea of appreciating people if you miss them. Good for you, good for the kids, good for hubby, good for your relationships! Win, Win, Win, Win!